16 years ago..
Ive been bullied for 8 years straight all the way through primary school up until now in high school.
The reason im writing this story to my audience today is because i want people to see how it really feels behind the smiling faces of us depressed teenagers.
im sixteen years old. I was diagnosed with depression when i was twelve. I have tried to commit suicide six times. You ask, "Why. What made it so bad that you wanted to end your life. Your so young..." It got really bad in grade six. So that was six years ago now.. When my auntie died of cancer. I was closer to her than my own mother. I told my bestfriend the day after she died what had happened. And he told his friends and got his friends to come up to me and ask how my auntie was even though they knew she died. I cried every single day of that year.
Finally came year seven, seemed like a fresh start because i refused to go to a school where i knew people from my primary school. At first i made friends really easily, unitl i started feeling really run down and neglected. This continued for months where it got to the point where i see how long it would take someone to actually talk to me at recess or lunch. This was when i started to feel like i was completely alone, like no one actually cared about me. I'd always think to myself, "how would life be like without me? Would people be sad that i was gone? Would they blame themselves?" in a way, i did want them to blame themself as selfish as that sounds.. I continued to feel like this for months on end. Where i would have to put on a fake smile consistantly when really i would walk away by myself screaming and crying on the inside because no one could see the saddness and how much i was actually suffering.
A year past. Year eight came along. Dad started drinking. So i spent a lot more time in my room, which mum was on my back constantly about. Early april i started getting a really sharp pain on the front of my pelvis. It took months and many different doctors to actually figure out what the pain was. I ended up having an operation done and they found i had a cyct on my ovary, they also told me that there may my a slight decrease in the chances of me having children when i am older because i am gettting pains like this so young. This made my selfesteem fall to its lowest.
Honestly, i could continue going on about my story for another six to seven paragraphs, but i dont even know if anyone is actually going to read this.. But yes there is more and yes it does get a lot worse. But i did just want people to know that they arent alone going though this shit, because it gets really bad and i know it does get better.