Snap That
Connections with Others
In psychology, connections are considered one of the most important things in life. Feeling like you have solid relationships with a few people that you can really count on is important to your health, happiness and wellbeing.
What are they?
3 is the magic number
Relationships are very important to us, but this doesn’t mean they are easy. The type of relationships you have can depend a lot on how confident and comfortable you are in social situations.
While it's nice to feel like you have a lot of friends, you don't need one hundred best friends to be happy. Psychologists suggest that if you have at least 3 friends or family members that you feel you can really count on, then you are doing well. Friendships don't just appear, it can take work to develop strong relationships, so check out 'How to Build It' for info on how to make the most out of your 3.
Connections are the relationships and friendships you have with the people around you.
These can be family relationships, important friends, boyfriends/girlfriends, teachers, coaches - anyone who plays an important role in your life. When you have strong connections you feel close and attached to the people that are important to you in your life.
What are the benefits?
Having good, trusting, close relationships with the people in your life is so important for a whole bunch of reasons.
Feeling good
Sharing the good stuff in life with the people around you is what makes life worthwhile. From your own experiences you would know that how good you feel can be impacted by your relationships and friendships. For example, compare how you feel when you are fighting with someone (stressful!) to how you feel when you are getting along really well with your friends or family. Our relationships have a big impact on our emotions.
Happiness
Research has shown that people who have good relationships and friendships tend to be happier in their lives. This goes both ways though. Not only does having solid social connections make you happier, but when you are happier you are more likely to attract more and better quality relationships.
Support
When you have strong connections you can rely on others to support you; this could involve them helping you out to do something (like driving you somewhere), giving emotional support (like listening or helping you solve a problem) or just giving advice and sharing info. Connections with others helps make life easier.
Help for the tough stuff
When you are going through difficult things in life, having someone you trust to talk to is one of the best ways to get through. Telling someone about a problem or issue you are having helps you to cope and deal with what is happening. Even if you do not feel you can openly talk about how you are feeling, having people around is important.
Wellbeing
Psychologists have found that relationships are important for our mental health and wellbeing. Not only do our friends and family give us meaning in life and fulfil our need to belong, but they can also help with levels of mental illness such as depression and anxiety.
All you need is love
It is in our personal relationships that most of us experience the emotion of love. Love is one of the biggest, most wonderful emotions that exists and it is linked to your levels of happiness.
Where's the Proof?
Psychologists have conducted research looking at how having good connections (or not having them) affects us.
Kindness Experiment: Building social relationships
Acts of kindness make you feel connected to people and can strengthen your relationships. One study looked at how increasing your kindness also improved how good people feel about themselves. The study looked at two different groups; people who did five kind things for others in a day (like washing someone else’s dishes or buying a friend ice-cream) were compared to people who didn't have to do any kindness exercises. People who did the kindness exercise felt much happier after 6 weeks than those who didn't do any kindness exercise. This study shows that boosting your relationships with others is good for your wellbeing5.
Studies show that people who have good relationships and friendships feel happier and more satisfied with their lives:
- One study in the US in 2002 showed that the happiest and most satisfied 10% of people in the study all had one thing in common: strong connections with their family and friends1.
- In another study, people gave daily reports about their interactions with other people. The results showed that when people had meaningful or fun interactions with other people (like hanging out with friends or doing fun stuff) their sense of wellbeing increased and they felt happier and more energetic2.
- At another level, having good connections with others is also good for your health: people with strong social support are healthier and some studies have even found that they live longer3.
- Another way to see how relationships and friendships affect people's lives is to look at what happens when people don't have good relationships. Many studies have found that people who are lonely or in unhappy relationships and friendships are a lot worse off than those who feel like they have good social relationships; lonely people had worse physical health and worse mental health such as higher levels of depression, anxiety and stress4.
This research shows that there is something very important about our connections and that strengthening these relationships is important to our overall wellbeing. To find out more on how to strengthen your relationships, see 'How do you build it?'
2. Reis, Sheldon, Gable, Roscoe, & Ryan, 2000. Daily wellbeing: the role of autonomy, competence and relatedness. Pers Soc Psychol Bull 2000 26:419. The online version of this article can be found at: http://psp.sagepub.com/content/26/4/419.
3. House, Landis and Umberson. (1988) Social relationships and health. Science, 241: 540-45.
4. Lyubomirsky, S (2008). The How of Happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. Penguin Press.
5. Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9, 111-131.
How do you build it?
Having good relationships doesn't just happen - sometimes it takes a bit of effort to feel connected to the important people in your life. Regardless of how many friends you have, strengthening these relationships is important for your wellbeing. Below are a few ideas to help you make the most out of your friendships and connections.
Say it out loud (thanks/ I love you/ you're awesome)
Sounds obvious, but make sure that you let your friends and family know how important they are to you, that you appreciate them and don't forget to congratulate and praise them when they've done something awesome. Research shows that one of the key things about good relationships is that people say more nice or positive things, than negative things; saying at least 5 positive things for every 1 negative thing tends to equal a healthy relationship. To improve your connections make sure you are sharing the good stuff.
Making Time
Create activities that allow you to have regular contact with your friends outside of school. Play a sport together after school or speak on the phone.
Fight well!
Fights and disagreements are bound to happen in nearly all friendships and families (especially among the people you live with). The thing is to make sure you 'fight well'. If you’re having a disagreement with a friend, try to stay calm, listen to their feelings carefully and tell them how you feel. If you can’t see things the same way, there might be times when you just have to ‘agree to disagree’. So, when the fight is over you need to get over it and move on. Having different views on things is a good thing - it keeps people interesting! But holding onto grudges doesn't do anyone any good and will only ruin the relationship in the future.
Good stuff
Focus on the good in people. None of us are perfect. Try to concentrate on the good things instead of the things you might not like that much.
